areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
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if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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