cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
