So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
