I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize