me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize