U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
