guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Four minutes until I can fart!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
