I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My ATM looks so different sober.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize