she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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