remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
