If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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