Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
