The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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