He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
