i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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