Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She needs sedatives and a leash
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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