She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Is it because I queefed?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
