did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
