so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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