Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
