An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
