You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
