I'm so fucking centered right now
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
