I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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