We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
