I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
