I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
