That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
tell me about the eggs
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