I puked a lego.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
