I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
