It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
