Sponge bath it is.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
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I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize