just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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