is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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