i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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