ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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