She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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