My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
