I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
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