The maid of honor just puked.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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