But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
