hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
