Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
