any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Watching her eat just hurts me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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