If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize