the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
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i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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