If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
