His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Do you still have your period?
Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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