you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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