When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
