im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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