You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
