the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
