that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
