The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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