May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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