ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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