I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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