dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
