that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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