remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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