I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
