Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
