mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
