Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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