I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
