but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
