ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
