did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize