Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
