Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
