I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
