I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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