Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
